I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize