I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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