i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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