I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
