I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
