The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
