That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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