Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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