Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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