Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
