I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
