I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
