Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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