My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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