In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
