I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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