So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
