WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
