Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
