next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
