You can't motorboat a personality
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ladies don't puke and tell
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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