I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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