You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
