he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
