dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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