I wanna passion pit in your ass
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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