I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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