We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
