YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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