I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
