Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
