3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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