in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
