awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
