if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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