I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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