My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize