this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
