It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize