just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
