I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
