Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
