you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
