pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
