he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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