That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
