I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
