Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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