Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
