hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
