P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
