well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize