i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the day after is always just damage control
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
