happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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