I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
