Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
