They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
