someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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