I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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