And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
