yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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