Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
