so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
