I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
